so... i decided to start this blog after much rumination.
okay, so i've already lied. i've only thought about it briefly for a few days, but yeah, i guess i decided to start one. i've had my qualms about starting a blog, mostly because of my impression of blog writers and the fact that maintaining a blog must require some degree of narcissism. also, i'm unduly lazy and even though i may have something to say, such thoughts are fleeting. i'm not that funny and more often than not, awkward and obnoxious instead. it's recently seemed appealing after i finished reading a slue of zines from much cooler people. (as an aside, it's interesting how "blog" and all of its variants is a word, yet "zine" is not. so thoroughly has the blog eradicated the zine).
well, i'm probably going to be bored with this fairly soon. i tend to have a really short attention span and also have severe bouts of apathy, so who knows? it's not like i sleep, so why not log on and recount my latest encounter with ignorance, humourous homeless people and other fourth floor scuffles at barnes & noble. it's not even that i'm truly bored, it's that i'm not an interesting person. i know i'm surrounded by superficial people who seem to be interesting. who smoke clove cigarettes and are fashionably vegan instead of politically so. who are fans of dave eggers (and everything else in 'stuff white people like'). these people infuriate me on a daily basis. i feel insecure but it's pretty much unfounded because although they're talking to one another and making connections it's pretty much all bullshit and a waste of my time. conversely though, i try to analyse these feelings and i feel like it's making me dumber. maybe it is, who knows? all i know is this: me being focused on me and not outside news-y things or brain-thinking type uh.. things = me stupid. also, me 'fixing' me and lessening the crazy = me being less interesting... maybe.
to hell with normalcy, right? and by normalcy i mean trying not to be normal just like everyone else. maybe i'll try to be a less awkward/obnoxious hate-filled person. (i'm not hate-filled really, i just have a general distaste for humanity- especially if you're a french, canadian, french-canadian, j-pop loving, sailor moon advocating american, eckhart tolle reading, oprah winfrey book-club loving capitalist who listens to 311 or some other shitty band). i'm a weird girl, to be sure. i avoid cracks even when walking quickly on the sidewalk. i eat ice cream with a knife when all the other utensils are in the sink. i fall hard and fast, and the only way out of that vicious cycle is to find a flaw in you and trump it up so that i'll wind up hating you forever. i love holding grudges. i love meeting your gaze with a withering stare when you watch me reading in the subway. i alienate myself but i really want to get to know you better. i'm judgemental. i'm english but have been here long enough to increase my insecurity and decrease the british humour i love so much. i am probably narcoleptic, but it's largely due to the three or four venti caramel macchiatos i have each day. yeah, i'm a feminist, punk rock grrrl who went to a boarding school in westminster, uk. i have a faux hawk (formerly the real thing) and piercings, but i'm black and try not to speak with an accent so you see 'urban' or 'straight edge' instead.
this is me. well, most of it.. take it or leave it, yeah?
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