Wednesday 13 January 2010

on the difficulties of living every week like it's shark week when you're the bait (a pantoum).

Since the last poem made use of the metonym, I decided to opt for a bit more transparency in this entry, which I've actually been working on for a while. At Deonne's reading a few weeks ago, a guy went up before her (or maybe afterwards- there was free Scotch, so who can say for sure?) and read a few poems, one of which was a pantoum, a form in which the first and third lines of a verse is always the same as the second and fourth lines of the previous quatrain. Harder than it sounds, especially when you're not a poet, which I'm not... If it weren't so angry I'd dedicate it to certain FPers who know where i'm coming from and help me see where i'm goin'.


my bad habits and i,
we may need couple's counseling
i can't always be "on" or "off"
moods shifting like swedish seasons.

we may need couple's counseling.
at night when we turn our backs i say
i can't always be "on" or "off"-
i smell blood in the water,

at night when we turn our backs. i say-
i plead with you to leave me-
i smell blood in the water!
my tears bleed through your pillows.

i plead with you to leave me
"the sharks," i say, "they're circling"
my tears bleed closer to your pillow
but like bait, you've thrown me over

the sharks!! i say, they're circling!
as i'm clinging to your pillow
like bait, you've thrown me over
i swim towards them, i'm a martyr.

as i'm clinging to your pillow
they tear me limb from limb
i swam towards them, good little... martyr.
i hope they save a piece for you

god, how they tear me limb from limb!
it's nothing i haven't already done
i hope they save a piece for you
self-flagellation's not just for christians, 

it's nothing i haven't already done 
anything for you to love me.
self-flagellation's not just for christians
your reticence keeps me under

i'll do anything for you to love me
so my moods shift like swedish seasons
as they devour the final piece i think
yes, we may need couple's counseling.

5 comments:

Lizzard said...

That was fucking awesome. I had music playing and I had to shut it off so I could get the full effect. Oh my, my dear.

Great use of the Pantoum. I especially liked your slight changes to the repeated lines. Thank you for not rhyming, this I think made it a more powerful poem. Emotional, surprising and constant action. Imagery worked well.

I like the message I get at the end, my fellow masochist.

gigglepeppers said...

I wish I could take all your validation and bottle it. Thank you so much, Lizzie.

Did you interpret it as a regarding a romantic relationship? I think that's what came across although not exactly what I intended ("single for life, or until the unattainable become less so..."was a potential motto for 2010).

Anonymous said...

Nice! I admire your very fine pantoum, especially since I'm sure mine would have repeating lines like, "Then, I made some toast," or "Why is blue everyone's favorite color?" Lame.

Lizzard said...

No, nothing resembling a relationship came to me. There are some points where it can be inferred by the reader but I know you better than that. I think this is about life, and everyone taking a piece of you. Feeling like you are falling apart and your vices being one you are accosted by. But you enjoy that vice, so you hope that every one else who is freely taking what they want from you leaves enough behind so you can destroy yourself properly....

this is my interpretation after a good night rest. am I close?

gigglepeppers said...

Deonne - Thanks! Don't sell yourself short, all the good stuff is going in the memoir, but I'm sure you could pull together a decent pantoum. PS, my favorite color is lavender. I hate to be contrary but, well, I'm a Virgo.

Elizabeth - sigh... I don't think you could be any more right. And the reality of that is sad, for me anyway.